I think there is something deeply flawed in my personality, something that people just don't like.
Now I know that you can't get on with everyone all the time but I'm really beginning to feel like I have a serious problem. At my job in England some people disliked me so intensely that they made my working life miserable. As soon as I arrived in India I started pissing people off left right and centre because of my values, I lost friends and one particular person I had only ever had one conversation with started acting like I didn't exist. Now, on my travels around South India, it turns out the whole group of people I was with, apart from one, didn't really like me.
I tried so hard to be upbeat, positive, proactive and fun but I could always feel other people's silent, negative opinions of me shaving layers off my personality until all I could think of and talk of was going back home to be with the people I know love me. I felt non-existent, voiceless and now I'm alone I just feel hopeless. All I really want is to connect with people but the more this keeps happening the less confidence I have.
This whole experience in India was supposed to make me but right now I feel like it's breaking me.
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7 comments:
Aww dont get down, ive always respected you for your values and opinions. You are an amazing person. Cant wait to hear about your adventures.
Dave <3
ps i hope this chum bumming puts me inline for some knitted goods aha x
I don't agree that there is something flawed in your personality. There are plenty of people here who love you. You have strongly held beliefs and you're not afraid to say what other people are probably thinking, rather than opting for a quiet life as so many of us do. There's nothing wrong with that - what do they say, "if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything" (or something like that). Could you be depressed at the moment? The way you're talking about yourself sounds very much like it (sorry if I'm way off the mark).
Hey Kelly
Obviously I haven't seen you for many years and don't really know you now.
However based on the things I have learnt from your status updates and blog posts - I can't imagine why people would make you feel they didn't like you.
You are extremely positive, talented and selfless.
Just get one of the lovely kittens you're looking after to poop in their pillows! That will learn them to mess with Kelly Monster.
Keep smiling and don't let anyone make you feel sad xx
You are ace. The problem is with other people not you, and anyone who actively or passively makes you feel bad about yourself can quite frankly sod off. As G in Winter has said you are unafraid to say what you think and feel and have strongly held convictions which any good person would know and understand is highly admirable, whether or not they agree with thoseopinions. Some people who travel or live aborad and who you encounter will be good people who want to use the experience to learn (like you). Others are spoiled, self-centred and pretentious who want to have an interesting story to tell at a dinner party with other equally pretentious goons when they get home to try and demonstrate they are fabulously interesting, exciting and diverse, when in fact they are utterly dull. I've met people like that before and they are arses. You on the other hand are one of the most splendid people in the world, kind, compassionate, funny, clever, interested in life and living, and if you ever think anything different I shall duff you in! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Well Said Chesh, I couldn't have put it better myself. Nothing more to say is there? xx
You're a very driven and determined person Kelly with strong values. A lot of people find can this a bit hard to deal with. You're straight up which also for a lot of people is a hard thing to take.
But these are good things to be. Stay true to yourself and never change. Hope you're okay.
you guys are the best! you kick arse kell! xxxx cant wait to see u home love poo face!
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